Finishing my Top 20 MST3k episodes. This is my Part Duex, the Top 10. Check out the Blog from last week for 11-20. This is my TOP 10... And here we go:
10: Outlaw (of Gor) - Starring, as Tv's Frank says, "the very huggable Jack Palance", this is the sequel to a movie made from a book of the same name. As a writer, I would be ashamed of my work after watching this horrible display of poor screenwriting, poor editing, poor everything. Perhaps the book is better. But I'm not going to read it. I mean, why?! If this film has anything going for it, it is casting Jack Palance in a bewilderingly shallow role in a movie about an uninteresting hero and his bumbling sidekick sent back to an unentertainingly dystopian desert world. I'll give it that. But nothing else.
9: Deathstalker & The Warriors From Hell - I personally love the Hell out of this one (see what I did there?)! Think of this crapfest as a Game of Thrones episode without all the awesome stuff that makes Game of Thrones awesome. So, essentially, it's just like going to a Renaissance Festival and watching some part-timers do their schtick for a whole hour and a half, which Mike and the bots lampoon in some of their best bits. However, this is much cheaper than going anywhere and you'll have a much better time.
8: Soultaker - I think my little sister still has my copy of this, but I'm always happy to let people borrow my dvd's. Except when they don't return them! J/k. No, seriously though, I really need that one. This is an extreme example of how one girl can completely botch a decent movie just by using it as a platform to build herself up. Nothing against what's her name, but she never really had a big budget for such an endeavor. They do give a great shout out to Joe Estevez as "Martin Sheen's under appreciated, more talented brother." It is strictly a low-budget thriller from the 80's with no attention paid to cinematography or dialogue.
7: Puma Man - Puma Man. Puma Man. Puma Man... The name itself is stupid. If you repeat it enough (just like the beginning of the movie), it becomes a lampoon of itself. Because let's face it; the premise is an ancient Mayan God from wherever came down from the skies and bestowed the power of a puma to some nerdy dude which allowed him to fly. Wait... Pumas fly? Well, that's his only power, which he does using effects from a 1920's Superman green screen. Oh, and Donald Pleasance is in it.
6: Catalina Caper - Tommy Kirk is probably the best/worst actor of the 60's. Story told... Although, the riff at the beginning about burning books is one of the most prolific parts; I mean, a bunch of sex-stranged teens dancing around a campfire almost sequesters an abhorrent book-burning bit. The plot is about as basic as the title of a 60's summer beach party flick could be: it's a story about a caper on Catalina Island. Little Richard makes a small cameo seemingly strung out and sweating buckets through his poofy quaff in the blazing SoCal sun. But, if not for anything, this light-hearted beach romp is definitely one of a kind for Joel and the bots.
5: Manos (The Hands Of Fate) - Considered by many to be the worst film ever made. This should at least give you a set up as to how bad this film actually is! The movie was originally made by a real estate agent who lost a bet. Yeah. By far, it has one of the best invention exchanges with Joel and the mads giving each other a chocolate bunny guillotine and a comic strip morpher. They are also able to make a memorable character of the goat-legged, odd caretaker in the movie, Torgo, as a cinematic icon forever to be remembered from this steaming pile of film debauchery.
4: Escape 2000 - Originally named "Escape From The Bronx", which is pretty easy to tell bc the first 10 minutes is a bunch of guys in hazmat suits and flame throwers telling everyone to "Leave the Bronx" over loudspeakers. Not too big of an issue, except for the glaring fact that it was obviously shot on a soundstage in Italy. A sequel to 1990: The Bronx Warriors, the actor portraying the main character (appropriately named "Trash") vanished from the media limelight after being blamed for the film's failure for losing all of his muscle mass in between films. Kinda harsh considering the kid was 17 at the time.
3: Space Mutiny - Written, directed, and completely botched by David Winters, this complete wreck of a movie (with what seems like special effects made by Kenner and wholly lifted from the original Battlestar Galactica TV series) is considered by many as "quite possibly the worst science fiction/space adventure film made in English", which means it's pretty bad. The chase scene with bowling alley floor waxers is pretty dope tho.
2: The Final Sacrifice - Rank with the bacony-stench of Canada all over it, the saving grace of this movie is introducing us to one of screendomes greatest heroes, Zap Rowsdower: an out-of-shape drunk with curly, red hockey hair and tight, white jeans that refuse to get dirty. Helping the protagonist, it's one of the most odd, confusing, obligatory, and pushed tandems of all time; the protagonist being a skinny, unappealing little twerp of a preteen with the charisma of a housefly. With all of this, doubled with some of the greatest lines ever to come from Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot, and Tom Servo, make this one of the greatest episodes ever. Hands down!
1: Mitchell - Number One on this list goes to this 70's cop yarn starring the unkempt, overweight, and unapologetically smug titular character played by the unkempt, overweight, and unapologetically smug Joe Don Baker. Now, when I was making this list, I took a lot of things into consideration; so much so, that I made into a Top 20 (2-parter) instead of a mere Top 10. But, of course, that wasn't too much of a problem because of how much I love this damn show. One basis of criteria, though it might not seem like it, was a healthy balance of episodes featuring Joel Hodgson and those featuring Mike Nelson. This episode was the transition between creator (Joel) and head writer (Mike) as host of the show due to creative differences with the channel provider. That fact, and the fact that Joe Don Baker was reportedly so furious with the mockery they made of this movie that he physically threatened anyone associated with it, which I find even more hilarious. I'm sure he wasn't the only one, but that got the most attention. But this is a one-of-a-kind gem that anyone who has never seen the show, or even just a few episodes should check out. Today.
Well, that does it for my list of Top 20 Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes! This was a lot of fun for me, although a little bit of a detraction from my usual posts. But, hey, it's my Blog. I do what I want.
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